Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts

Sunday, January 3, 2010

and the grandfather replied........

The grandson asked his grandfather “How old are you Grand Dad?”

If you can make a guess please reply.

And I will let you have the correct answer.
The Grandfather replied, 'Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:


' television

' penicillin

' polio shots

' frozen foods

' Xerox

' contact lenses

' Frisbees and

'
the pill

There were no:


' credit cards

' laser beams or

'
ball-point pens

Man had not invented:


' pantyhose

' air conditioners

' dishwashers

' clothes dryers

' and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and

' man hadn't yet walked on the moon

Your Grandmother and I got married first, . . . and then lived together.

Every family had a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, 'Sir'.
And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, 'Sir.'


We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.

We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.


Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.

We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started.

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.

We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios.

And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk

The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.

We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents..

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.

And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.


You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . . . but who could afford one?
Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day:


' 'grass' was mowed,

' 'coke' was a cold drink,

' 'pot' was something your mother cooked in and

' 'rock music' was your grandmother's lullaby.

' 'Aids' were helpers in the Principal's office,

' ' chip' meant a piece of wood,

' 'hardware' was found in a hardware store and

' 'software' wasn't even a word.


And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.

No wonder people call us 'old and confused' and say there is a generation gap. and how old do you think I am?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Missing Husband Report

A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing Husband:

Lady: I lost my Husband
Inspector: What is his height
Lady: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Lady: Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes
Lady: Never noticed
Inspector: Color of hair
Lady: Changes according to season
Inspector: What was he wearing
Lady: Suit/casuals I don’t remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him..????
Lady: Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair,his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks,wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non-veg food, we eat together, we jog together. And the lady started crying..

Inspector: Let’s search for the dog first..!!!!


Saturday, August 22, 2009

Matrimonial Ad's

One of my friends mailed me this.

These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spelling errors have
no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!

Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after
reading this.............

  • Hello To Viewvers My Name is Shiva , I am single i dont have female, If anyone whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls viset my resident or send u letter.. Thanks yours Regards Shiva
  • i want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state he is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework (Homework?)
  • Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. She may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you (The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
  • She should be good looking and should have a service. She Shoulsd have one brother and one sister. She should be educated. (ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
  • I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamgirl who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!! (The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
  • i am simple boy.I have lot ofproblemin mylife because ofmylucknow i amlooking onegirl she caremeandloveme lot lot lot (I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
  • My wife should be as 'Parvati' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tulsi as in KSBKBT...... (Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure he must be demanding too much, ain't he?)
  • i want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house she should give recpect to our cast (by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)
  • HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH. (all of us are loughing{laughing})
  • whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone wife and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she would be called the woman of the lamp (I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this guy wants)
  • i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok (I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
  • HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK (the "ok syndrome" again)
  • iam pranav my family histoy my two brother two sister and fater&mother sister complity marred (somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely'?)
  • iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. i am doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist. (actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailor.??)
  • my name is farhan and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes (height of desperation ! )
  • I want one girl who love me or my mother. She love me heartly or she have a frank she's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey. I Think the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but iam not a handsome boy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good boy. My father already expired . iam ''AEKLAUTA''. THE CHOICE IS YOUR. bye bye. (Uttama Purush !!)
  • i am kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.She was marred. (No comments)
  • I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT. (maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)
  • hello i am a good charactarised man. i want to run my life happily.i divorced my first wife.her charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits girl who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ... (but credit cards not accepted..???)
  • my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service (Zebra..???)
  • i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, girl simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY. (Now that criterion is a definete must, isn't it?)
  • to be married on jan-2007. working man perferable (this girl fixed the marriage date too! But she is yet to find a bridegroom. I wish her best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure she will get one soon.)
  • i would like a beautyfull girl. and i do not want her any treasure. because girl is the maharani. (Now she is going to be a lucky girl! Any takers?)
  • ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying salary at present. (Any takers again?)*

Friday, May 8, 2009

The Woman as explained......

I was just having a look at my mails when i saw this pic...........

After seeing this i could not stop laughing.....



P.S nothing personal girls.....

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Great Indian Mom.......

A Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner...who lives with a girl roommate Sunita.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's, roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered,
'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates.

About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar.You don't suppose she took it, do you?'
Kumar said "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.'

So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother,
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love
Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother
which read,

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now underneath the pillow...
Love,
Mom.

Lesson of the day:-
Don't lie to your mom........................
especially
if she is an Indian..............